29 October 2007

Up In The Canyon

Right. Due to 15 month deployments, in one year I will be preparing to leave here, and then as quickly as is allowed I will be leaving the Army. This is of course all dependant upon various results of various decisions decided by those who decide. This is also dependant upon the various possible ends of various possible means of which none are allowed to be discussed, written about or thought of.
A lot of people, including most I work with, ask me why I joined the Army. I have always, and still do, take great exception to this question. I joined because I felt a civic duty. A civic duty to an establishment that is now quite clearly no longer concerning itself with its constituents.
I know what these people are really asking, or more accurately, implying. "Yoss, you question and think. You laugh. You are laid back. You have not only a personality, but an intrinsic 'light' that makes you above this, even though you do not see it that way." These traits are not only frowned upon in the Army, especially among the Officer ranks, but are almost forbidden. I still take offense, because aren't these traits of the ilk you would want in the Army? Only if the Army that serves the Government serves the people.
I do not know the reasons for many things. I do not know what makes an airplane stay in the air. I do not know what keeps electricity in the socket. I do not know how to fix anything on a car. I do not know why Princess Diana died. I do know that the government of which I once felt embodied ideals that stood for something right and good outside of myself no longer believes these ideals to be practical.
And yet still, I serve and try my best. It is my job, not who I am. That's what I keep telling myself anyway. Some part inside clings to hope that I am now wrong and was right. Some part inside grasps to a belief that people can and will make a difference.
This isn't about me being here. Me being here only set the conditions for the manifestation of these thoughts.
This isn't about me being lied to. Me being lied to only changed the rules by which the game is played.
This isn't about the war being right or wrong. Reasons for it have changed, reasons to continue it have evolved and reasons to abandon it are not taken seriously.
This isn't about me wanting to leave. Were I anywhere else, rather than here, the future is still happening, with or without me.
This is about 12 months from now I will try to place the time I have spent in the Army in the rear view mirror. I only hope there is enough road to make it disappear.


21 October 2007

Techno D-Day

Right. This is the story of the best Christmas in the history of the world.
I returned from graduate school one evening. My brother was in town and picked me up from the airport. He drove me to this place and I bought a salad. Then he drove me home and my mother cried because she was so surprised that I came home for Christmas. The salad was a most superb blend of lettuce, pimentos, onions, cheese, dressing and artichoke hearts and it tasted like a thousand angles put their titties in my mouth.
Next I went over to my friend's house. K-Luv was there with his then girlfriend, the Elizabeth Shue clone. Our friends Steve and Safia and Cocaine were also there. So we go out drinking. And on account of it was my first night back and the only solid food I had consumed since the third day of the semester was that night's salad, I was well on my way to an epic night.
We were at some bar. I am sure something funny happened.
Then we went to another bar where I am sure more hilarity ensued.
I think we may have either stayed at that bar or gone to another. I am not sure.
Anyway, we ended up running into someone who knew Safia and invited us to a Christmas party when the bars closed. If memory serves, free alcohol was implied if not explicitly mentioned.
So we went to the party. I remember booing some people who missed a pool shot, i believe he was trying to sink the 3. I remember laughing when they said there was no beer. What the fuck kind of Bush-League party doesn't have beer? Lame ones.
So I start walking around shucking and jiving with people until I spot some bottles of alcohol. I, and my memory is very clear here, stole that shit like a jedi. No one saw that shit. I hurried K-Luv out the front door and we walked around back into the alley and drank a bottle of whatever the fuck. Maybe it was wine. Well that shit didn't last long. So I entered the house again and stole the LAST bottle of alcohol in the house. Absolute Peppar. Nasty. Filthy. Kenny and I were taking swigs of it in the alley when the party thrower lets his giant dog outside and the motherfucker keeps barking at us.
Well fuck that.
So I climb the fence and start to pour the bottle into the dogs mouth as it barks at us. Then the dog owner/party thrower/guy who didn't have enough alcohol decides to run outside and starts yelling. K-Luv ran, I said, "Damn. We're in a tight spot." Then I ran.
It was around the time we met back up on the side of the house when we realized it was like 5 in the morning and close to 400 below freezing. We were trying to figure out how to get back into the house to gather our friends and leave when K-Luv said, "Let's just take out coats off." Genius idea man.
So we did.
I think we buried them in the snow actually.
As I was walking to the house our friends came out and Safia was all mad that I ruined the party. Excuse me? Ruined? Hello? I am the party. I run shit son.
We all piled into my car and Safia drove. As we were driving back, I recall delighting everyone's ears to me singing, probably some Christina, when Safia swerves the car and my face bounces off the window it was peacefully resting on as I tried to pass out.
Good times an noodle salad.


13 October 2007

Koka Kola Advertising And Cocaine

Right. I dated this girl in grad school who had a thing for knives and scissors. She would get off on her clothes being cut off and then the blade dragged across her skin. Weird. I watched a grown man fuck a goat yesterday to celebrate the end of the holy month. To praise God he shoved his dick up the ass of an unwilling goat. Normal.
I used to drink massive quantities of alcohol. I used to go out with friends and drink to the point of blacking out. People act like blacking out is fucked up, but as far as I understand it, blacking out only means you don't remember stuff that happened. But I always felt guilty for blacking out. Odd. A few days ago, I watched a man wearing an Atlanta Braves jersey run as the ground swelled up underneath us. Spewing forth debris, rock, fire and a wave of sound that my heart heard. Status quo.
I used to watch sports center in the morning three times in a row. I would watch it, memorize scores. Then throughout the day, when I would see a number I would think "Avalanch score times Yankees score plus the difference of the scores in the Packers Colts game." Strange. I was thinking about sex a week ago when I noticed that my hands are more vein than hand and remains of men werecarried on a plane and flown to what I only hope is called home to someone. Sane.
I used to wear dry-cleaned sweaters and leather jackets, get into my car and drive, listening to the Boards of Canada and hoping some MILF would force herself on me. Bizare. I had a dream last night that I lined up Hope Solo, Gwen Stephani, Kate Beckinsale and Jenny McCarthy and boned each of them and as the came they morphed into my mother. Pleasant.


02 October 2007

It's True

Right. Look at the way the palm trees blacken up against the sky at dusk. As you drive away from them they do like everything else, they vanish. People ask me a lot what Iraq is like. It's hot. People ask me all the time if this is the right thing to do, or if my perception has changed since I've been here. I don't know. I don't really want to change your mind. People ask me what I need. Booze. People ask me how I am. Fine. People ask me to write more. I am, just not here. People ask me where I am in Iraq. People ask this as they sit in air conditioned brick homes with loved ones around and drinks being poured. I ask God a lot for peace to fall on these people. God answers every prayer, in his own time. While we wait, if you don't believe in good or evil, come to Iraq and tell the devil why. I ask you for only one thing. But my wireless connection fails everytime I email you.