Off Work Early

Right. Some days you win and some days you lose. Some days you write crap to rave reviews and some days you write, what you consider to be funny shit, and no one likes it. Strikes and gutters. Some days it's beautiful and airbrushed and other days it's women blowing horses for crank money.
The fucking moon is huge.
Oedipus did a lot more than fuck his mother.
It's early evening. The mothers and fathers are playing with their kids across the street. Life is good. Seesaw goes up and down and the swings go back and forth while the merry go round is out of service due to a bad bearing. Such is life. Sooner or later we have no desire to hang out with the folks. It must sadden them, though they never let on. How depressing it must be to once have been the recipient of such gratefulness for something as small as a new toy, now you barely receive thanks for a loan cosigning or a new kidney. At one time you are the center of their world, now a bit part left on the editing room floor. Everything you say or do is wrong, whereas once it was never questioned. They are turning that playground into a gas station.
I miss my dog.
My apartment is small.
In my life I have seen power corrupt none, I have however, seen poverty corrupt plenty. Think about that shit while you eat your bagel and wish you had a croissant.

Thalia Was A Muse...There'll Be A Quiz Later

Right. I watched "Thirteen" last night. As if I needed another reason to loathe society and its ramifications on women. I mean seriously. Fuck. I just don't get it. But whatever, sooner or later a new aeon will dawn and the world will be bathed in blood. Or so says Blood Omen. Damn that was a good game. I wish all games had stories like that. Good times and noodle salad.
So I went on a spending spree and bought a bunch of t-shirts.
I miss Boston. I like cities.
I don't know if I wrote this before and I am too lazy to check so I will tell you about my Halloween costume from a few years ago. So at the graduate school of the college at BU I attended we had this event on Halloween called a "Boo's Cruise." You paid for your ticket and you had to wear a costume and you rode around in Boston Harbor getting seven types of drunk. Well, let me preface this by saying that I HATE dressing up for Halloween. I think it is retarded.
Anyway, my first costume idea was shot down in a matter of seconds. I was hanging out with this group of people and through the reading of this here posting you will come to realize their level of tragicness. I wanted to dress up like Jesus only wearing a big assed purple pimp hat. I was going to be, "Carl: Brother of Jesus, Lover of Women." That was apparently a no-go with these people. I ran a few other ideas past them in attempts to find a costume. All were shot down and even received with complete disgust. You'd have thought I just kicked their dog with some of the looks I got.
Then genius strikes and I have the perfect costume. I decide not to tell anyone because this idea is so perfect I want no one to ruin it. I go to Mass General and rent a wheelchair. Next I put on an obnoxiously thick turtleneck sweater I have. I am all set. People start showing up in their cliché costumes and we begin drinking. Everyone is asking me where my costume is. Now I should mention that you HAVE to wear a costume to this event or else you are not allowed on the boat. I tell them I am wearing it and suspicion arises.
We are about to leave and I roll out the wheelchair. Moans and whispers begin. I then go to my linen closet and get out my Superman towel. Now I don't think you understand how perfect this is. My Superman towel is awesome. It is just the logo. No picture of him or anything. So it looks like a cape as I drape it from the back of my wheelchair, grab a beer and my ticket and say, "Let's roll."
Well I got a collective, "Fuck NO!," for that one.
"That is really offensive to dress up like Christopher Reeves."
"The fuck it is. It's funny. And if by some chance someone on this boat has been kicked by a horse and can't walk, I'll apologize."
They MADE me not go as the crippled super hero.
So we have like 30 minutes before we have to get on this boat. Where the hell am I going to find a costume on Halloween night? Nowhere that's where.
So I just go in regular clothes. We take the train and I am asking everyone on the T what they thought of my previous costume. Everyone whom aren't the people I go to school with find it funny. I continuously inform my school chums of their suck.
I get to the docks and the girl says that she can't let me on without a costume. I respond with, "I'm a belligerent drunk...bitch."
I spent Halloween in a bar in South Boston.

Don't Tell Me That Shit, I'm Eatin'

Right. I found that song by those girls whom sing rock style. But I can't find, "Where You Been," by, "Dinosaur Jr." Fucking I Tunes. If I remember, that was a good record, but alas, I Tunes hates me. Then I drank some beers and fell asleep. I woke up to some soft core porno on Cinemax and was too tired to watch so I just turned it off and went back to sleep.
My officer basic course started today and fortunately there are women, and yes, they set the standard for ugliness. One of them doesn’t even have a jaw. It's gross. Funny thing is, I'm not even supposed to be here. But in the infinite wisdom of the Army I have to be in this branch for one year. One soul-crushing defeat after another.
So I have been eating jalapeños by the truckload.
I got a call from a friend of mine whom I attended OCS with. He is buying a car like mine. Fucking sweet. Everyone should have my pimp shit.
Not much is going on. I am looking forward to the four-day-weekend I have coming up. But to be honest I am so unmotivated that I will just sit around. I hate going out even more than I hate staying in. I think I may need some help.

The Greatest Porn Site Ever

Right. Point of order. Why the hell has no one informed me of, "Tegan and Sara?" They are the jet. To be fair, I only heard one song, but it was awesome. More importantly, why has no one informed I Tunes that I want to download that shit? The song is called, "Speak Slow." And it is the jam. It is imperative that you listen to it and love it. If you like rock and or roll, then listen. It may be hard because I Tunes sucks, but the song is the shizzle.
So this past week I was in combat lifesaver class. Which means I got certified to give some advanced first aid and give an IV. Not the Roman Numeral, but the hydration/blood transfusion bag. It sucked. I am not a big fan of sticking people. It is terrible. Honest. Also when private first class fuck ball stuck me, he decided not to plug the hose into the catheter so my blood spurted out like Peter North. I lost like half a pint I swear to God.
I am thinking about buying an old car and fixing it up on account of how much time I have on my hands. I'd like to get an old Implala or something.
So my big plans for Saturday night are as follows:
Watch TV
Drink Beer
Puke
Break Dance
Wash My Car
Sleep

I hope I can accomplish every task.

Sodajerk

Right. Sorry, bad post earlier. I am sitting here waiting on my pizza to get here because you can't get a gyro anywhere near this shit hole place I am. It's like nine million degrees outside or else I would go get something. I wish pizza hut delivered beer, because I have a hankerin' for some drankerin'.
So I paid my first ever cell phone’s bill today. I had never had either before which makes sense if you think about it, but I ask you don't. Anywho, I bought this plan where I get 900 minutes a month and they roll over. It seems I have rolled over 751 minutes in my first month. I have no friends.
I watched "Surviving Christmas," last night. How did this movie receive such poor reviews? What with such hilarity as "Doda is telling stories." Actually the movie is pretty funny. I think I am the only one on the planet who doesn't mind Ben Afleck's acting. Afleck was the bomb in Phantoms.
So I was reading about AFI's 100 greatest movie quotes. Bullshit. All bullshit. Lists are always bullshit though because they don't depict reality. Because if they did there wouldn't be any controversy, which wouldn't generate a buzz or debate or you giving your shit-ass opinion like we asked you to opine. Also, lists generate publicity. Which is sort of what I said earlier, but whatever...fuck it. I am just pissed because my favorite quote from any movie wasn't on the list. "Have you tried staples," said by Bill Murray in "Scroged." Funny as shit. But there are a lot of quotes I like.
OBC starts Monday, meaning I’ll have something to do all day aside from nothing. We still get two hours for lunch I think. I wish fall would get here. I hate summer. Summer clothes just suck. You can’t look cool in shorts and a short-sleeved shirt. Nope. Impossible. Can't be done. I wish to hell I could live in perpetual fall and winter to enable me to wear all my favorite clothing and style whist doing it.

I Can't Stop The Blood

That is the wheel I want to go on my car, which is this. Only black.
With interior like this.

I do this because I don't know how to take my own pictures and get them onto this here site. So send me some cash money so I can purchase the above rims.

These are Ideas

Right. Jennifer Connely and Jared Letto look EXACTELY the same. But beauty is only skin deep. And what doesn't kill us makes us stronger.
It's time I come out swinging and let loose the lion. I'm going to hit that ass as I leave it all on the field and let it all hang out. You're only response can be, "Damn Yossarian, you really held nothing back as you mused with wild abandon."
Work sucks. But it can’t be sunny everyday, but it also can't rain all the time. There are bumps on every road and that’s the way life is. Life can be a heavy load but a smile goes a long way. We can grin and bear it. But you can't win them all, even if there are other fish in the sea. Because we all know haste makes waste.
I was shit out of luck when I tried to exorcise my demons the day before yesterday. It seems I overstepped the boundaries of my inner child. Meat is murder, but I am hungry so it's justifiable homicide. But that's the way the cookie crumbles when you make lemonade out of lemons.
You get nothing for free in this crazy world that keeps on spinning. You can't have it all and Rome wasn't built in a day, but you keep on trucking. You take one day at a time because if at first you don't succeed you try again. But when the going gets tough the tough get going. Even though the meek shall inherit the earth.
I was hanging out at the car wash the other day, waiting to wash my car. It was taking a while for the fat guy to vacuum the Doritos out of his trailblazer, but it's like they say: his sister takes it in the ass.

I Will Remain

Right. This past weekend I went and saw a movie. I decided to see Mr. and Mrs. Smith because I thought this movie had everything going for it. It had lots of guns, Vince Vaughn, top-secret contract killings and a soundtrack by Joe Strummer. The movie even broke up a marriage. Sadly, the movie blew. I realized something during this movie that I had long suspected: Brad Pitt cannot act. I first started to have this revelation upon seeing "Seven." At the end when he freaks out and yells "no" a bunch and contorts his face - just terrible. Anyway, this recent crapfest solidified my concern. He sucks. He doesn't even try to act, he just plays the same character over and over again. There is no difference between Mr. Smith and the guy from Ocean's Eleven. He just act's like himself and makes a shit-ton of money. Good for him.
I took my niece to see that movie so that was enjoyable. Don't see the movie, it isn't good.
The song of the day is, "Number One," by, "John Legend." Funny and soulful.
Because I am so infatuated with bad acting because of Brad Pitt, I think I will rate the top five worst actors of all time. I am an authority on bad acting because I can never spot bad acting. People say, "He did a really bad job acting there," and I reply with, "I didn't notice." I NEVER notice bad acting, so when I do it must be piss poor.
#5 This Ass Hole
Seriously. Horrible. It wouldn't have been so bad if this kid didn’t actually exist and was CG Lucas created, but he is a real person. Terrible.
#4 Knock Knocker
Why? This guy was horrible. He touched his giant nose more times than there are shower scenes in Top Gun. It took me five hours to find a picture of this douche bag on the Internet because he sucks so much.
#3 Dick Ball
Fuck. This guy blows. I haven't seen him in anything he was good in. This shit-bag has his own website. Can you believe that? Fucking moron.
#2 Both These Fig Nuts
Whoa. The two of these guys create a black hole of suck where lesser suck gets sucked into it. Die.
#1 TADA!!!
I don't know if this guy is an actor or not. But I googled moron and he came up. So I am sure he would suck in any movie you can put him in.

Home Of Funzo

Right. I am trying to get out of work early today so I can trek home and maybe avoid the traffic, which inexplicably happens in the middle of nowhere. But it doesn't look like that will happen. Me getting out early that is, the traffic is affirmative.
The results are in and I am more confused now than before about my knee. Seems to be some sort of muscle problem. He was all feeling around on my hip and I was like, "No dude, the problem is the knee." He said something about connective muscle and blah blah blah. So I go back to an actual knee doctor next week or so.
When I was in high school I was in this band and we were going to combine punk and ska and play songs about unity and all. But then we realized that Operation Ivy had done it ten years prior. Bummer.
Here is a fun thing to do. Go to a bar and start talking to a person of the opposite sex. Tell them all about how you share a name with a really rich guy and this guy’s wife owes a lot of money to known pornographers. So they come to you looking for the money and they pee on your rug. See how far you can get before they realize you are talking about the Big Lebowski. If you can get all the way to the end of the movie and say, "Oh no wait, that wasn't me. That was a movie called the Big Lebowski." You win.
It works with any movie really. Here are a few more you can try: Top Gun, Conan, Jaws, Fight Club, Deep Throat, Ocean's Eleven, Die Hard, Mallrats, Smokey and the Bandit or Schindler's List. Let me know the results.
What the hell are you people doing in California to become the subject of Earthquake Ire '05?

It's LT Scratchypants To You Asshole

Evil has taken over like a Hecatonchire at a picnic. Yeah buddy. Not really. Life is uneventful. I heard that the video game "Dance Dance Revolution" is a recruiting tool Bobby Brown made in an attempt to find new dancers. It is kind of like that Star Fighter movie, only with dancing.
I went grocery shopping for the first time as an adult yesterday. Here is what I bought:
Fifty bags of microwavable popcorn
Milk
Gatorade
Pizza Rolls
Lucky Charms
Fruity Pebbles
Raisin Bran
Ice Cream
Crackers
Cheddar Cheese

I rule. You see that shopping list? That is a man's shopping list. I am going to be 27 next month and for fucks sake, this is what I eat. I am a shit-bag.
Have you ever really stopped to think? Like ponder what the fuck? How is it I got myself here? Why am I standing next to the refrigerator at three in the afternoon eating cereal? Is this how I thought my life would end up? Why am I reading the economist whilst I wait for sportscenter? What the fuck? What else could I have done with my life? What more could I be doing currently? Did all the choices I've made lead me here, or is this some next level destiny type shit? How strange this is to actually have the clarity of thought to realize that maybe life would have been totally different if I hadn't ordered the kosher meal. It is enough to paralyze me into never making another decision. Because every time you make a choice half your life is gone. Fucked up.

Twenty Moves Deep

"Beware the leader who bangs the drums of war in order to whip the citizenry into a patriotic fervor, for patriotism is indeed a double-edged sword. It both emboldens the blood, just as it narrows the mind. And when the drums of war have reached a fever pitch and the blood boils with hate and the mind is closed, the leader will have no need in seizing the rights of the citizenry. Rather, the citizenry, infused with fear and blinded by patriotism, will offer up all their rights unto the leader and gladly so. How do I know? For this is what I have done. And I am Caesar." -- Julius Caesar. He ain't really say that shit and most of the quote doesn't make sense in regards to speech patters and phrasing of the times, but who cares.
I have this fear. On account of I have never had a first floor apartment, I have this fear about the bathtub. See I fear, that after working out and I lie down in the tub and begin to scald myself that the weight will be too much and I will fall through the floors until I die.
So the MRI went well, it is loud.
Has anyone listened to John Broaddus yet? Well what the fuck is the hold up?
I don't think I dream. I have made a point to try to remember my dreams, but I cannot think of one when I wake up. I don't remember ever really dreaming a lot. So I cannot tell the four billion readers I get a day about a single dream of mine.
I wish I had some soup.
I am getting my windows tinted soon. Excellent.
I need new clothes. Send me money.
You have to know when to walk away. In any situation, you must always know when to walk away. Which is why after my first try, I will never eat spam again.
I hope all is well in California. I hope everyone is okay from the earthquake. Or ocean-quake as the case may be.

I'll Give You A Coloring Book, You Can Go Outside The Lines

Right. My neighbor has moved. Regrettably he has taken his shitty beats and rhymes with him. I sentence him to hang by the neck until death, may God have mercy on his soul. PROCEED.
I must tell you that John Broaddus is awesome. If you know not of his shit, then go to I Tunes and buy some shit. Or go to your record store. Whatever. I don't care. Just listen to his shit, it causes spasmodic erections it is so good.
The good people at apple were kind enough to let me redownload all of my music free of charge. I still want to hand Steve Jobs an ass whooping.
The girl who works at Wendy's Old Fashioned Hamburgers sets the standard for cuteness. She is wicked cute. She is from this small military town, meaning she has a bright future of being preyed upon and an early retirement from a strip club. But I wish she could stay this age forever, because she is real cute. I spoke with her yesterday as her hotness gave me a modest tan and a two hamburger a day habit. She is 18 and wants to go to The Ohio State University.
Well fuck. It appears that my new neighbors are even louder and more dysfunctional. They are screaming at one another right now. I may be forced to kill.
I get my MRI this evening. I've never had one before I am excited.

You Can't Have Man Slaughter without Laughter

Right. So I think my neighbor may be deaf. I also know he is a moron, but the deaf part is still only a suspicion. I hate him. I want his children to get herpes.
I went to an art festival thingy this past Saturday with my mother, father and aunt. It was a good time. I almost bought some weird wax painting type shit. This lady actually paints with wax. I thought it was cool.
My neighbor moves out tomorrow. Thank fucking Christ. I hope he moves back to wherever the fuck he came from. I called him a dick ball today, to his face, and he thought I was joking. I said, "Way to leave your music blaring all night...dick ball." He said, "Yeah it helps me sleep when I'm listening to beats I make." He actually makes the shittiest beats in the world. Sometimes I can hear him spouting the worst lyrics to his new beats. He also tells me all about how he isn't the typical black man and about how he is "echelons above the common black man." He then proceeds to tell me all about how he only loves big fat asses and fucks white women to piss off old white men. He also seems to try to live into every stereotype about black men there is. I swear. It is people like him that make me wonder how slow the other sperm were.
I get my MRI tomorrow or maybe today or last week depending upon when you are reading this. If it is as bad as it hurts, I'm fucked.
There has been a rash of people posting their dreams as of late on their respective blogs. So fuck it. I had a dream. But it was uneventful. So I doubt I will post it. Maybe I'll have a nice dream sometime where shit happens and I post it and everyone is happy and I am part of the in crowd.
My idiot neighbor is back at it. I may have to kill him. Why he thinks I want to hear his new lyrics he spent all day on is beyond me. "Yes. I like the way you rhymed 'Niggas' with 'Niggas.' That is awesome"

I wish there were a prequel to Boomerang

Right. People need to shut the fuck up. I swear to god. I don't feel like getting into what brought that sentence on, just trust.
So I have been thinking about Star Wars. I like the movies and all but I have some things I want to address. First of all, in between episodes three and four I would assume that the Galactic Empire is doing a search of the galaxy for people whom may pose a threat. I know I would be looking for dude who cut my legs off and left me to burn to death. When the storm troopers show up on Tatooine looking for Obi Wan Kenobi, how the hell did they not figure shit out? "We are looking for an Obi Wan Kenobi. He is in hiding and is wanted for an attempt on the Dark Lord's life. He was last seen wearing Jedi robes." "Hmmmm, no. I can't say I have heard of an 'Obi Wan Kenobi.' There is a Ben Kenobi who lives out by the dunes. But he keeps to himself mostly," says some random junk dealer. "Well that clearly isn't the guy we are looking for." "Yeah he is always watching over Luke Skywalker. He doesn't do much else." "Thank you for your time. If you hear anything about an 'Obi Wan Kenobi' please let us know."
Shit man. How dumb can shit get? How were the Jedi able to figure out that Vader was Anakin? They couldn't figure out that Palpatine was a Sith, but a guy with no legs and melting when last seen clearly must be Vader.
Anyway. I am wildly popular in Michigan. People read my shit there like its literary crack. What the fuck is the hold up with K-Luv and Tron? Update shit.
Who the fuck is Lindsay Lohan? I mean I know she is famous. I just can't figure out why. What the fuck has she done?
So I paired up my phone to my car. Meaning now when I am driving and my phone rings I just hit a button and I talk to the caller through my stereo. Thus, everyone needs to call me whilst I am driving. Seriously. Everyone who reads this needs to call me. 636-328-16**. I feel safe putting my phone number out there because no one reads my site long enough to get to the picture let alone the end of this here posting.

Cigarette Boat Float Around in Here

Right. Here is why multitasking sucks. Say you get used to doing multiple things at one time. It is only logical that at some point in time this skill will become second nature and you will do it all the time. Then you go to the bathroom. While taking a shit, you realize it is a good way to save time by fixing up the hair whist shitting. Well let us say, hypothetically of course, that the new pomade you bought is like wax and is very sticky, but you fail to realize this in your rush. Plus you are exhausted. Well, then the rest of the day you are peeling bits of toilet paper from your hand and trying to explain to the company commander how the pomade forced a bond between your hand and your toilet paper the likes of which Palmolive couldn't release. It's embarrassing. Hypothetically.
Back in the day, like two years ago when I was home from grad school, my friend K-Luv and I would frequent this one bar. At this bar we dubbed this one girl, "Cryin' shame." Why? Because she is pretty. Classically pretty. She had style too. The bar was an intimate one, if only because the same 12 people were there every night. So we proceeded to inquire around about her over some time. We also informed many people our intentions of being on Rikki Lake on account of her not knowing who her baby daddy is. Well we found out from this one guy, allegedly an old roommate, that she has herpes. Hence, the knick-name, "cryin' shame." Feel free to use that because it is funny.
Truth be told, I think she was so hot that we would have still fucked her. Battle scars are cool. Sure afterwards my jizzum would have been a corrosive load. But every girl likes a rash after a nice cum-soaking.
I am sorry. I usually don't talk like this. Yes I do, I just don't write about stuff like this. I just thought, that if you thought this shit is as funny as we thought, then you would enjoy that shit. But if you hate it, then I’m ass. And I'm tired of being the ass.
I'm just plain tired.
Men deserve to live free. But I guess it is up to your interpretation of "to."

Recomended by 9 out of 10 Albinos

Right. So the old knee is fucked. It's my left one. It is also the same age as me. So it is only old to me. I guess. Looks like a torn meniscus and torn ACL. Great. I guess it could be worse, but it could be a fuck of a lot better.
So I got some invisible shit that tells me all about you, the reader. HA! I got that ass now. Surprisingly, zero people look at this here site. Which is good to know. Now I can curse all I want and no one will get in trouble with their mothers, on account of no one reading this and all. So: fuck, shit, shit-ass, cunt rag, balls, clit face, dick breath, ass hat, ass head, fuck hole, cum dumpster, tit nose, cock slave, coke whore. HA! How you like me now?
Speaking of mothers, I love my mom. I really do. She is great. I wish everyone knew her because she is amazing. I love her in a completely non-Oedipus type way. Except that I totally want to kill my father to bone mom. But that desire isn't reserved for my parents. It goes for everyone whom is married. It also goes for everyone in Japan, married or not. Kill the dudes and then pull the ass to mouth cum shot on their women. That's my motto.

Corozon de Oro

Right. I have a migraine. I need help. I got a lot of problems. If I throw a brick, maybe the brick will go and solve them.
Here is what I want. I want to meet a girl who is rich as fuck and has as little ambition as I. Then I want her to pay off my student loans and get me out of the military. Next I want to bone and play video games all day every day. Is that too much to ask? I hope not. That is what I pray for. That is what I desire. That is what I want.
So it finally happened. My knee is fucked. I don't know what is wrong with it, but I can't move it and I can't run on it and it hurts to have any weight on it. So that sucks. It really hampers your effectiveness in the Army when you can't run. Because running is all we do. But Christ it hurts. I go to the doctor tomorrow.
I still have no Pogo. Life sucks. Knee still hurts. Life sucks. Hungry. Life sucks. In three years I'm going back to the big city life I miss. Life isn't so bad. Spiderman 2 is on. Life rules.
I love you. I mean I really love you. The thought of you not being around forever is unbearable. The day I lose you I will destroy Mount Everest. You are too good for this. Everything in the universe is mediocre in comparison to you. The infiniteness of space is a drop in the bucket to how you make me feel when you look at me. God is powerless over you. You move, think, feel and act in such a way that no deity can help but watch you in awe from the afterworld. I think about you every second of my life, even when you are three feet from me. I bathe in your soul, which flows out around you like a warm amniotic fluid protecting you from humanity. You make everyone around you better and even if they never realize it, the power to start or stop the world, as we know it, lies solely within you.

I'll be there if I'm not somewhere else

Right. So apple fucking sucks. I go to upgrade my OS X and subsequently lost all my fucking I tunes. Which sucks because I lost near 200 songs/dollars. Fucking capitalist pig-dogs. If I ever meet Steve Jobs I swear I will shove my power book up his white ass.
I also lost my office program but just went ahead and took the initiative and bought the new one. So I had an expensive weekend. How about you?
I am so friggin tired.
So I have a new thing I like to do. If you are anything like me your family, neighbors, friends, bank teller and most people at stoplights are constantly asking you if you are seeing anyone. The answer is always invariably, "No." So instead of always explaining myself, here is what I do. What I do is, I say, "Yes. Her name is Rio and she dances on the sand." Now, no one gets it, except the random few whom have penchants for 80’s wuss-rock. But I at least amuse myself for five seconds.
I don't want to go to PT in the morning.
I can't play pogo. From some reason nothing loads when I am on base. But when I am home it all loads. I am computer stupid and don’t know how to fix it.
Am I the only one who is pissed that the Yankees are sucking a major part of the ass? I love the Yankees.

Some of My Friends Sell Records

Right. It is day 70 something. OCS. Thirty something more days to go. Christ. You haven't slept in three days. You get to the point where you're not even tired anymore. You just react, you never think. The miniature mudslide from the four days of constant rain has soaked through your sleeping bag. You lie down and every time you breathe you feel it squishing around you. It's raining again. You wet weather gear is useless. Fuck it. Get up and go on watch, you might as well. You can't sleep.
Your night vision goggles are great. Batteries low, better change them. You wish Kay, Sam, Billy or Ruck were up. But you let them sleep. They have no problem sleeping after this past week. You stop to think about yourself. Why are you friends with these people? You shared some hardship. Bonded. Good guys. Fun. Anyone you can look at and laugh with because you know what each other are thinking is great. These guys are the best.
What about your old friends? Your family? It has been so long since you had contact with them. Do you even know them anymore? Do they know you? You fear that the relationship you once had with them will be like that of an ex-girlfriend. You still love her, but you just love the person she was, time has changed her but you still see her as the girl from a few years ago. You’d do anything for it not to turn out that way. It's only been six months. You feel like it's been six years. You have changed. You know you have but you can't tell how.
The rain stopped. The stars are beautiful in the pale green light from you night vision goggles. You never seen so many, even though you used to track the constellations and planets. Amazing.
You will see your family in a couple weeks. In a couple weeks this will all be ending. It's raining again, hard, better get in your foxhole. Will it ever stop raining? No. You miss your friends and family. As much as you love these guys, you love your people. You pray this hasn't changed you in a manner that they will no longer like you. You miss that life. When your time is up in the Army you vow to get back to it.
You just got done walking 12 miles with a 50 pound rucksack, which weighed about 70 because of the rain, and your weapons. You opted to carry the 240 B because you wanted the extra challenge. It weighs 27 instead of eight pounds like your M16. You were dog-tired, but you could have done another 12 if they said to. That's the big difference in you.
Do your new friends like you? Yes. Would they if you hadn't gone through all this with them? No. Would they like you if you were just a guy on the street, being polite and you had no problem with homosexuals? Maybe. Would you have liked them? You don't know. You know the answer but it is too painful to admit. How can you love people you would have never talked to 7 months ago?
You suddenly feel alone. Things will be different with the old crew. The new crew is breaking up to go to OBC. You are cold, lonely and tired. Miserable. You laugh breaking the noise discipline. Because you remember your old life and how sometimes it was cold and lonely too.

Dance Pants Dance

Right. So here I am, more training. Sheesh, if I weren’t shamming out on a finance briefing right now I'd be even more miserable than I am. Why so miserable? Well allow me to enlighten. See I recently found out that I am branch detailed express to Intelligence. Meaning I have to go to Chemical OBC for five months, serve in a unit for six more and then I go Intel. All this really means is I will spend less time downrange and more time in TRADOC. Downrange is Iraq and Afghanistan and TRADOC is training. It sucks.
On the plus side I love my car. It is the best thing ever to happen to me.
Okay so let's get down to business. I want some security. I want to know that in three years I will have a decent paying job and be able to afford more shit, namely video games. I also want security in the video game industry. I want to know that video games will get better, and I don't mean graphics. I could give a shit about graphics. I like the story. So if any developers out there read this, make a good damn story. If you can't, then fuck, hire my friends and me. We can. We'd maybe even win an award or two, because we have a penchant to win shit.
I need a hobby. See I have this blog thing, but I need something else. I was thinking of fishing, but I don’t want the smell in my car. And I ain't no catch and release kinda fella. Dig? So then I was thinking of maybe getting a second job. But that ain't gonna work either. So I need help. Aside from washing my car, playing video games and training, I really have nothing to do.
I get these "Getting to Know You" emails where people send me a bunch of questions and expect me to answer them. Like I have the time. I am busy. What with sitting around all day and all. I hate those emails.
Why did they take Brak off the air? They remove all shit from the television airways that I enjoy. Gone are Brak, Sifl and Olly, Sea Lab, Buffy and the Wonder Years to name a few. Bring it all back I say.
You know what I am grateful for? The moment I look out my window and watch the children playing at the playground and I think, "Wow, those kids are just running around having a good time. Their biggest problem is keeping their shoes tied. God is in his heaven and all is well." That one moment when I feel like they do, because I remember it and long for that feeling and no matter how much beer I drink, money I make or shit I buy, I can’t duplicate the feeling. But for that one perfect moment I have it again. Then my brain fucks it all to hell by asking how can God be so hard and life be so taxing if this is how we start? I hate my brain.